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    Mikan (Mandarin Orange) : Part 1 / 蜜柑 (1) 作者/ 芥川龍之介

    Mar 08, 2025 20:00
    73 12 2 English
    日本の文学作品を英語に翻訳する練習 (1)
    Japanese Literature in English Translation (1)

    Mikan (Mandarin Orange)                           by Ryunosuke Akutagawa

    It was a cloudy evening in winter. After settling myself into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I was absent-mindedly waiting for the departure whistle. However, as the lights in the passenger train were turned on, there was not a single passenger inside except me. Strangely enough, while peeking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, I realized that there was few people seeing people off today. Only a caged puppy barked sorrowfully from time to time. These scenes seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment. In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky ready to snow soon. I kept my hands tucked tightly into the pockets of my cape with no energy provoked to take out the evening paper there. 

    ( to be continued)
    ------

    蜜柑 (1) 作者/ 芥川龍之介

    【原文】

     或曇つた冬の日暮である。私は横須賀発上り二等客車の隅に腰を下して、ぼんやり発車の笛を待つてゐた。とうに電燈のついた客車の中には、珍らしく私の外に一人も乗客はゐなかつた。外を覗くと、うす暗いプラツトフオオムにも、今日は珍しく見送りの人影さへ跡を絶つて、唯、檻に入れられた小犬が一匹、時々悲しさうに、吠え立ててゐた。これらはその時の私の心もちと、不思議な位似つかはしい景色だつた。私の頭の中には云ひやうのない疲労と倦怠とが、まるで雪曇りの空のやうなどんよりした影を落してゐた。私は外套のポツケツトへぢつと両手をつつこんだ儘、そこにはいつてゐる夕刊を出して見ようと云ふ元気さへ起らなかつた。


     (続く)

    &list=RD9dLEb7Wi9RQ&start_radio=1

    蜜柑 (1) 作者/ 芥川龍之介

    [中文翻譯]

    在某個陰暗的冬日黃昏,我坐在橫須賀上行列車的車廂一角,百般無聊地等待著發車汽笛的響聲。在早已亮起燈光的車廂裡,沒有其他乘客,除了我之外。我抬頭望向窗外幽暗的月台,也罕見地看不到半個送行人的身影,只見到一隻困在籠裡的小小狗不時地哀苦低鳴。這和我此刻的心境竟如此地吻合。我那說不出的疲倦和勞累猶如冬日佈滿烏雲的天空一般地沉鬱。我的雙手一直緊緊地塞在口袋裡,連掏出口袋裡的晚報來閱讀的力氣都沒有。 

    (待續)
    2 people like this entry

    TJNewfields
    Mar 08, 2025 23:29
    Mikan (Citrine)
    ALSO POSSIBLE: Mandarin Oranges
    Quote

    Japanese Literature in English Translation (1)
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    Quote

    Mikan (Citrine) by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    Quote

    It was a cloudy evening in winter.
    ALSO POSSIBLE: It was a cloudy winter evening.
    Quote

    After settling myself into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I was absent-mindedly waiting for the departure whistle.
    ALSO POSSIBLE: After settling into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I absent-mindedly waited for the departure whistle.
    注意:原始英文就可以。修訂後的版本略微更加緊湊。
    Quote

    However, as the lights in the passenger train were turned on, there was not a single passenger inside except me.
    ALSO POSSIBLE: Since the lights in the passenger train were turned on, I could discern that I was the only passenger in the train.
    Quote

    Strangely enough, while peeking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, I realized that there was few people seeing people off today.
    Strangely enough, while peeking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, I realized that there were few people seeing others off today.
    Quote

    Only a caged puppy barked sorrowfully from time to time.
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    Quote

    These scenes seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment.
    This scene seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment.
    Quote

    In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky ready to snow soon.
    In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky set to snow.
    IDIOM: set to = soon to do
    Quote

    I kept my hands tucked tightly into the pockets of my cape with no energy provoked to take out the evening paper there.
    I kept my hands tucked tightly into my cape pockets with insufficient energy to take out the evening newspaper.
    Quote

    ( to be continued)
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    Quote
    You likedLike
    Beautifully written, Rosemary! You might enjoy this possible translation:
    https://byronsmuse.wordpress.com/2018/01/26/ryunosuke-akutagawa-mandarin-oranges/

    さまざまな翻訳が可能です。
    Thank you for your corrections!
    Rosemary
    Mar 10, 2025 01:06
    Like
    The link that you provided above is so amazing! I really appreciate your sharing. It is of great help.
    I also want to thank you for your suggestions. They are very beautiful, too. ^^
    Nameless Cat
    Mar 08, 2025 23:40
    Mikan (Citrine)
    Mikan (Mandarin Orange) : Part 1
    今回の投稿はシリーズものだから、赤字の部分を追加して下さい。
    なお、最終編では、数字の代わりに「: Final Part」となります。
    Quote

    日本の文学作品を英語に翻訳する練習 (1)
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    Quote

    Japanese Literature in English Translation (1)
    Practice Translating Japanese Literary Works into English (1)
    Quote

    Mikan (Citrine) by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
    Mikan (Mandarin Orange)  by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
    Quote

    It was a cloudy evening in winter.
    It was a cloudy winter evening.
    Quote

    After settling myself into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I was absent-mindedly waiting for the departure whistle.
    I was sitting in the corner of a second-class train car bound for Tokyo from Yokosuka, vaguely waiting for the departure whistle.
    上り → bound for Tokyo
    Quote

    However, as the lights in the passenger train were turned on, there was not a single passenger inside except me.
    Although the lights had been on in the train car for some time, unusually, there wasn't a single passenger besides myself.
    「とうに電燈のついた」の「とうに」 → for some time
    珍らしく → unusually
    Quote

    Strangely enough, while peeking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, I realized that there was few people seeing people off today.
    Looking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, there was strangely not a single person seeing anyone off today.
    見送りの人影さへ跡を絶つて not a single person seeing anyone off
    Quote

    Only a caged puppy barked sorrowfully from time to time.
    Only a caged puppy occasionally barked sadly.
    悲しさうに sadly
    Quote

    These scenes seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment.
    This scenery matched my state of mind with uncanny precision.
    私の心もち my state of mind
    不思議な位 with uncanny precision
    似つかはしい match
    Quote

    In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky ready to snow soon.
    In my head, an indescribable fatigue and weariness cast a gloomy shadow, just like the snow-threatening cloudy sky.
    雪曇りの空 snow-threatening cloudy sky
    Quote

    I kept my hands tucked tightly into the pockets of my cape with no energy provoked to take out the evening paper there.
    I kept both hands thrust deep in my overcoat pockets, lacking even the energy to pull out the evening newspaper tucked inside.
    外套 overcoat
    ぢつと両手をつつこんだ both hands thrust deep in
    Quote

    ( to be continued)
    (to be continued)
    Quote
    You likedLike
    日本人でも少し難解と感じる文体で書かれたこの文学作品を、非常によく理解して、丁寧に翻訳できていると思います。
    Thank you for your corrections!
    Rosemary
    (Edited)Mar 10, 2025 00:47
    Like
    Mikan (Citrine)
    Mikan (Mandarin Orange) : Part 1
    今回の投稿はシリーズものだから、赤字の部分を追加して下さい。
    なお、最終編では、数字の代わりに「: Final Part」となります。
    赤字の部分を追加して下さい。← お心遣いありがとうございます。
    なお、最終編では、数字の代わりに「: Final Part」となります。← 思い出させてくれてありがとう🙇‍♀️
    Rosemary
    (Edited)Mar 10, 2025 00:49
    Like
    After settling myself into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I was absent-mindedly waiting for the departure whistle.
    I was sitting in the corner of a second-class train car bound for Tokyo from Yokosuka, vaguely waiting for the departure whistle.
    上り → bound for Tokyo
    上り → bound for Tokyo ← そうですね。
    日本で電車に乗ったことがないから、知らなかった。 教えてくれてありがとうございます🙇‍♀️
    Rosemary
    Mar 10, 2025 00:50
    Like
    However, as the lights in the passenger train were turned on, there was not a single passenger inside except me.
    Although the lights had been on in the train car for some time, unusually, there wasn't a single passenger besides myself.
    「とうに電燈のついた」の「とうに」 → for some time
    珍らしく → unusually
    とうに → for some time
    「already 」でもいいですか。
    Rosemary
    Mar 10, 2025 00:53
    Like
    These scenes seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment.
    This scenery matched my state of mind with uncanny precision.
    私の心もち my state of mind
    不思議な位 with uncanny precision
    似つかはしい match
    私の心もち my state of mind ←「mindset」には、相応しいですか。
    Rosemary
    (Edited)Mar 10, 2025 00:55
    Like
    In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky ready to snow soon.
    In my head, an indescribable fatigue and weariness cast a gloomy shadow, just like the snow-threatening cloudy sky.
    雪曇りの空 snow-threatening cloudy sky
    雪曇りの空 snow-threatening cloudy sky ← その通りです。でも、英語に訳すのは難しいですね。大変勉強になりました。大感謝!
    Rosemary
    Mar 10, 2025 00:56
    Like
    I kept my hands tucked tightly into the pockets of my cape with no energy provoked to take out the evening paper there.
    I kept both hands thrust deep in my overcoat pockets, lacking even the energy to pull out the evening newspaper tucked inside.
    外套 overcoat
    ぢつと両手をつつこんだ both hands thrust deep in
    外套 ← cloak, cape, mantle, overcoat, which one is more appropriate?
    Rosemary
    Mar 10, 2025 01:02
    You likedLike
    日本人でも少し難解と感じる文体で書かれたこの文学作品を、非常によく理解して、丁寧に翻訳できていると思います。 ← ご褒美いただき、ありがとうございました。嬉しいです😊
    Nameless Cat
    Mar 10, 2025 21:05
    You likedLike
    疾(と)うに=ずっと以前に
    この意味を出すためには、「for some time」がいい。
    already=既に

    mindset=物の見方、考え方

    「外套」とは、外出のときに衣服の上から着る防寒用の衣類の一般語だから、同じく一般語の「overcoat」がいいでしょう。
    capeなんかは特殊な衣類だから、写真を見たわけでもないのに使えない。
    Rosemary
    Mar 10, 2025 22:34
    You likedLike
    よくわかった。ありがとうございます🙇‍♀️
    Post Comments and Corrections
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    Title
    Mikan (Mandarin Orange) : Part 1 / 蜜柑 (1) 作者/ 芥川龍之介
    Mikan (Mandarin Orange) : Part 1 / 蜜柑 (1) 作者/ 芥川龍之介
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    Body
    日本の文学作品を英語に翻訳する練習 (1)
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    日本の文学作品を英語に翻訳する練習 (1)
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    Japanese Literature in English Translation (1)
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    Practice Translating Japanese Literary Works into English (1)
    Japanese Literature in English Translation (1)
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    Mikan (Mandarin Orange) by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
    Mikan (Mandarin Orange) by Ryunosuke Akutagawa
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    It was a cloudy evening in winter.
    ALSO POSSIBLE: It was a cloudy winter evening.
    It was a cloudy winter evening.
    It was a cloudy evening in winter.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    After settling myself into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I was absent-mindedly waiting for the departure whistle.
    ALSO POSSIBLE: After settling into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I absent-mindedly waited for the departure whistle.
    I was sitting in the corner of a second-class train car bound for Tokyo from Yokosuka, vaguely waiting for the departure whistle.
    After settling myself into a chair on the corner of a second-class passenger train departing from Yokosuka, I was absent-mindedly waiting for the departure whistle.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    However, as the lights in the passenger train were turned on, there was not a single passenger inside except me.
    ALSO POSSIBLE: Since the lights in the passenger train were turned on, I could discern that I was the only passenger in the train.
    Although the lights had been on in the train car for some time, unusually, there wasn't a single passenger besides myself.
    However, as the lights in the passenger train were turned on, there was not a single passenger inside except me.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    Strangely enough, while peeking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, I realized that there was few people seeing people off today.
    Strangely enough, while peeking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, I realized that there were few people seeing others off today.
    Looking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, there was strangely not a single person seeing anyone off today.
    Strangely enough, while peeking outside, even on the dimly lit platform, I realized that there was few people seeing people off today.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    Only a caged puppy barked sorrowfully from time to time.
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    Only a caged puppy occasionally barked sadly.
    Only a caged puppy barked sorrowfully from time to time.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    These scenes seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment.
    This scene seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment.
    This scenery matched my state of mind with uncanny precision.
    These scenes seemed to be oddly suited to the way I felt at that moment.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky ready to snow soon.
    In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky set to snow.
    In my head, an indescribable fatigue and weariness cast a gloomy shadow, just like the snow-threatening cloudy sky.
    In my head, an ineffable sense of fatigue and lethargy cast a gloomy shadow like a cloudy sky ready to snow soon.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    I kept my hands tucked tightly into the pockets of my cape with no energy provoked to take out the evening paper there.
    I kept my hands tucked tightly into my cape pockets with insufficient energy to take out the evening newspaper.
    I kept both hands thrust deep in my overcoat pockets, lacking even the energy to pull out the evening newspaper tucked inside.
    I kept my hands tucked tightly into the pockets of my cape with no energy provoked to take out the evening paper there.
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    ( to be continued)
    This sentence is perfect! No correction needed!
    (to be continued)
    ( to be continued)
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    ------
    ------
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    蜜柑 (1) 作者/ 芥川龍之介
    蜜柑 (1) 作者/ 芥川龍之介
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    【原文】
    【原文】
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    或曇つた冬の日暮である。
    或曇つた冬の日暮である。
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    私は横須賀発上り二等客車の隅に腰を下して、ぼんやり発車の笛を待つてゐた。
    私は横須賀発上り二等客車の隅に腰を下して、ぼんやり発車の笛を待つてゐた。
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    とうに電燈のついた客車の中には、珍らしく私の外に一人も乗客はゐなかつた。
    とうに電燈のついた客車の中には、珍らしく私の外に一人も乗客はゐなかつた。
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    外を覗くと、うす暗いプラツトフオオムにも、今日は珍しく見送りの人影さへ跡を絶つて、唯、檻に入れられた小犬が一匹、時々悲しさうに、吠え立ててゐた。
    外を覗くと、うす暗いプラツトフオオムにも、今日は珍しく見送りの人影さへ跡を絶つて、唯、檻に入れられた小犬が一匹、時々悲しさうに、吠え立ててゐた。
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    これらはその時の私の心もちと、不思議な位似つかはしい景色だつた。
    これらはその時の私の心もちと、不思議な位似つかはしい景色だつた。
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    私の頭の中には云ひやうのない疲労と倦怠とが、まるで雪曇りの空のやうなどんよりした影を落してゐた。
    私の頭の中には云ひやうのない疲労と倦怠とが、まるで雪曇りの空のやうなどんよりした影を落してゐた。
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    私は外套のポツケツトへぢつと両手をつつこんだ儘、そこにはいつてゐる夕刊を出して見ようと云ふ元気さへ起らなかつた。
    私は外套のポツケツトへぢつと両手をつつこんだ儘、そこにはいつてゐる夕刊を出して見ようと云ふ元気さへ起らなかつた。
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    (続く)
    (続く)
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dLEb7Wi9RQ&list=RD9dLEb7Wi9RQ&start_radio=1
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dLEb7Wi9RQ&list=RD9dLEb7Wi9RQ&start_radio=1
    Add a description or comment here. (Optional)

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